Description

Meet Midnight Alibi: Because she definitely wasn’t where the police said she was.

Looking for a companion who’s seen the dark side of the moon and lived to tell the tale?

This big, sturdy gal is 100% acrylic, so you know she can take a punch (and she has).

She spent her youth draped over the shoulders of a dame who knew too much, absorbing the low hum of upright basses and the frantic whispers of bootleggers.

She’s seen things that would make a wool blend unravel, but she’s held her shape through it all. When she finally lays low, she spans a commanding 81 inches across with 55-inch sides—enough coverage to hide a getaway bag or just a broken heart.

The “Clean Record” Regimen

How to wash away the evidence without losing your edge.

1. No “Bleaching” the Truth Keep the bleach far away. She’s worked hard for those deep indigo secrets; don’t go trying to turn her into a whistleblower.

2. The Protection Program (The Bag) If you’re worried about her getting snagged by some small-time hoodlum (like a rogue zipper or a Velcro strap), toss her in a mesh laundry bag. It’s like a safe house for her stitches.

3. The Gentle Interrogation (The Wash) Don’t throw her in with the heavy hitters right away. Give her a cool, gentle cycle in the machine. She’s tough, but she prefers the “soft touch” approach. Use a mild detergent—nothing that’s going to make her “sing” or lose her color.

4. No “Hot Seat” (The Drying) Whatever you do, don’t grill her. Tumble dry on low heat or, better yet, let her lay low on a flat surface to air out. High heat is for the feds; it’ll make her go soft in the head (and the fibers).

Treat her right, and she’ll keep your secrets forever. Treat her rough, and she’ll still probably outlast your enemies—but she might get a little fuzzy about the details.