Description

The Scandalous Midwinter Muff

In the late 19th century, a muff was the only thing standing between one’s delicate sensibilities and the harsh, judgmental bite of winter. The Midwinter Muff was the talk of every parlor—mostly because they were too thick, too plush, and far too indulgent for polite company.

Crafted from ultra-plush, blush-toned Bernat Blanket yarn, this piece remains as soft and cozy as the day it was finished. During its prime, it was maintained in a state of pristine, pampered perfection. It features an oversized, dense core constructed with single crochet stitches for maximum insulation, framed by dramatic, voluminous ruffles worked in double crochet. Measuring 20 inches across and 10 inches tall (including the fringe/ruffle), the 5-inch openings provide the perfect access for one’s hands.

Because of the heavy, double-layered interior tunnel, this muff acts as the perfect vault for your deepest secrets, a warm hideaway for your fingertips, or a strategic shield for making whatever hand gestures you’d like while nobody is the wiser. It remains as thick and suspiciously cozy as its reputation suggests—a necessary accomplice for when you’ve decided the rest of the world simply isn’t worth the effort of using your hands for anything productive.

The Details

• The Material: Ultra-plush, blush-toned Bernat Blanket yarn.

• The Dimensions: 20 inches across by 10 inches tall (measurement includes the fringe/ruffle).

• The Access: Features 5-inch openings, perfectly sized for hiding hands or secrets.

• The Construction: Dense, single-crochet core with a double-layered interior tunnel for maximum insulation and privacy; dramatic, double-crochet ruffles.

  Care Instructions

  • The Gentle Treatment: She is far too refined for the indignity of a modern washing machine. Hand wash only in cool water with a mild detergent, lest she lose her composure.

  • A Delicate Drying: Lay her flat to dry on a clean towel. Do not hang her by her ruffles—she isn’t a common dishrag, and she deserves to rest horizontally.

  • No Roughhousing: Should she become slightly tousled from one too many scandalous escapades, a gentle fluffing with your fingers will restore her to her original, oversized glory.

  • Keep Her Secret: Store her in a place where she can maintain her plush integrity. Avoid crushing her under piles of mundane, un-scandalous laundry.